People deal with insecurities in many ways. Some exhibit anger, while others hide behind the mask of vulnerability. Anger often arises from poor self esteem or unfulfilled desires which lead to frustration. The person feels he deserves better. Some people have the false notion that it’s better to keep things inside. What they don’t realise, is the harm this negative emotion does within. It’s like a slow corroding acid that eats up your insides. Infact the more you bottle it up, the worse it is! he vulnerable always try to tell you, how others have done them wrong. “Poor me”, is writ large upon their faces. The fact that many men use it as a weapon to score with the opposite sex, is another matter all together, albeit an interesting one! We often rise to the bait and react exactly the way they want us to. While some instances might be natural or beyond their control, a lot are manipulated to pull others into their trap. Similarly, a passive aggressive person may ask you rhetorical questions, and you end up answering exactly the way they wanted you to, so that the fight continues, till they’ve managed to get an apology or whatever they were seeking. Passive agression is also another form of anger. The trick is to understand and not react, which is usually difficult but doable nonetheless. It’s your turn to be a little manipulative now. It’s challenging! How can you remain calm in such a situation, where someone accuses you of being responsible for their misery?
You can- by being objective; by removing yourself from the situation for a while and watching it like a reel in motion, simply observing. But somewhere you’ve zoned out. Now watch your tone when you answer- it should be matter-of-fact, not emotional and exaggerating. Offer your side of the deal- you do your part, and I’ll do mine. Let’s not mix it up. The clearer the roles, the better it is. You can even fix up a time where you could discuss
Encourage this person to talk it out with a friend or confidante, he believes will understand the situation better. When the solution comes from someone he has faith in, it’s easier to digest. You might have been offering the same solution since long, but it fell on deaf ears. Try this approach, it might just work!
And last but not the least, if you’re stuck with such a person, find ways to release this negativity that works on you, because everything takes time. The person isn’t going to turn a new leaf overnight. Coming out of his conditioning will take him a while. You too need patience and practise with the new approach.
So don’t just sit there; Take a walk, put on your jogging shoes and run, pedal if you will, listen to your favourite songs, find that joint which serves the best masala chai and sip it with that special someone who puts you at ease. Life is too short to waste over petty issues
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